I leave my heart with SFdS

I did not really feel that I am leaving until Thursday when knelling down in front of the blessed sacrement. I suddenly realized that in the following two year, I will not have easy access to the blessed sacrement like what I could do today.  You might not know how much I love St Francis de Sales Oratory. For me, it is just the heaven on earth.

O Salutaris Hostia is a very beautiful prayer which I liked far more before I know the meaning of the words. The same situation happened to Tamtum ergo and interestingly, these two prayers are written by St. Thomas. I love St. Augustin’s writing far more than St. Thomas. It is just because that I know St. Augustin way earlier than St. Thomas, and I love Plato far more than Aristotle..( do not ask me why, I am still trying to figure out why..hahaha..) However, through these two prayers, I suddenly feel that St. Thomas is so a live, and he is far more than writing from philosophy books. He is with us all the time.

SFdS’s beautiful liturgy and  homilies of truth are really attractive.  Once for All. I know from the first moment I stepped into SFdS, my hear is there forever and physically, I just wanted to be a little servant of God, knelling in front of him forever. The physical, emotional and spiritual threefold attachment is so strong that I just cannot say goodbye. However, God is always there. SFdS helps me understand more about my faith and inspires me for pursuing holiness.  It is a “way” but not an end. Life needs to move on with SFdS and all the things God gives me through there.

It is just the time to go. I make a choice for myself to go to rural China and to experience poverty. I do not know what will happen with me there, but I have to trust God and put all I have in His hand. Although it is easy to say, it is often hard to do, because I am just a little woman with little faith.

I claim that I love Benedictine way of life, I just could not make up mind to join them.

I claim that I love the poor, but I still feel scared to experience poverty.

I claim that I love God, but truly, Yiqi, ask yourself, how much have you offered to God?

………………………

Maybe my dear friend Ryan is right. I have to offer the separation to God. The physical detachment is for the higher goal of strong union spiritually. God, I am of little faith, please help me!

After finishing move some of my stuff to friends’ car, I stood outside for a while. Canon gave me a blessing for the long trip. I stood there, saying goodbye to all the families who are really kind to me. They have really made me part of their families. After two year, these kids will all grow up and some of them will be taller than me.

Two year is not long….Dear Friends of SFdS, when you look at the blessed sacrement, I am looking at that too even I am not with you. When you sing Tantum Ergo, I am singing with you and all the angels and saints are praying with us. In prayer , we are always united.

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