This morning, I woke up with tear. I had a dream, in the dream, it was back to the time I told everybody I booked a ticket to go back to China. The exactly the same situation. Canon H told me that he would pray for me and he gave me some books as goodbye gifts. The funnies part of the dream was that these books were all about “Japan”. （ I guess these books reminded me of Cannon U…) At the end of the dream, I was knelling in front of the Blessed Sacrament and I decided to change my one-way ticket to China to round way ticket.. and I told them, I will be back….
At that moment, I woke up and cried…. Few people could understand that I called St. Francis de Sales Oratory my home. I cannot understand that very well either and from deep of my heart, I just prefer to call it like that. It was nice back home to see my parents, to participate in Mass in Chinese, to hang out with friends who I had not seen for a while. BUT after that, I felt a sense of loss. Then I gradually began to remember the Word of our Lord,” For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”
My spiritual director keeps telling me that I am just a passenger in this world. I should not value relationship with human, even my parents more than God. I know he is right, but somehow, I just cannot accept it. My friends told me that as a Chinese and the only child, it is just too weird to join religious life. For really long time, I never thought it would be a choice for me until right before I left America. I cannot say leaving SFdS is a kind of separation from God, but I will definitely say that the environment for faith becomes much more challenging.
I guess in this dream, at least I get one thing, God gives us a round way tickets and Our heaven Father wants us home.