It has been a while that I have not written in my blog. It might be because that I am too busy with my work with naught kids. However, I feel that the main reason is that I have too much feeling about something so great that I cannot really say anything about it.
I had to say that my life in 2014 was very blessing. I was not very happy at the beginning of 2014 for numerous reasons. I felt really lonely and I still feel lonely. I rarely get chances to discuss the things I care a lot with people. However, it was even a surprise for me that my desire for holiness became even stronger in 2014. I never felt that I wanted so much so much and so much for an authentic Catholic life.
I went to HK for two times for easter and Pentecost. I still felt really lonely. not every place in the world can be like St. Francis de Sales. I got a really busy summer of 2014, leave me with almost no time for prayer. However, since the september of 2014, when my prayer life resumed. everything seems changing. I really did not intentionally do anything special, but my life begin to immerse in deep joy. Especially, in Nov, I met a FSSP priest who I heard about numerous time, and finally got a chance to attend his mass. The Latin mass offered by him were the happiest moments of 2014. ( maybe it was because that the few homilies during mass I heard and understood in 2014 were all said by him…lol… I still think it is one of the most funny thing in 2014 of my life).
I went to HK four times from Nov to Dec ( Sometimes, I really think that I am crazy… take 5-7 hours trip to HK.. just for mass and come back to school…but I guess comparing with numerous saints in the Catholic history, my zealot is just nothing….) : All Saints Day, My Birthday, Christmas Eve and New Year Day. I have to say, Those four times really enlighten the hope in my heart. I feel like, now, when I am in the Church, the only thing i can see and feel is God. When i am not in the church, my heart is still in the Church. I want to knell in front of blessed sacrament to the end of day. New Year’s day, I begin to feel a kind of happiness called ” Happy to death…” After I receive communion, one thought suddenly flashed in my mind was that I wanted to die right in this moment. It was just the greatest joy in my life. Nothing can be happier than that.
However, I know, if I die now, I can barely make to purgatory. I still remember, (maybe it is said by my spiritual director…) that living in a religious life is to live a life of purgatory on earth; When the day comes, we can make to Heaven. There are two virtues I want to practice more in the coming of 2015: patience in adversity and loving of enemies…I did horribly in these two aspects in 2014. However, I feel so sorry for the people I hurt every day (especially my lovely students, kids are so easy to forgive.. no matter how harsh I criticise them, they forgive me and love me still . I really cannot do that well.)
I had many arguments, I feel that I will still have many arguments with people with different opinions in the future, I pray that I will have the wisdom to show charity towards people with really different opinion. It is REALLY hard. However, I guess, because it is hard, it can help me to go through the purgatory on earth.
God, I love you. I trust in you!
( pictures were taken from 2014 Christmas eve mass. Thanks be to God!)