I always feel very self-conscious when I am with music. For me, music is always the things that I feel in love with , but never to able to get close with it. The story between me and my journey toward music just like the story of the toad and the princess, but I never really get the chance to be “kissed” by princess. So I am still a “toad”.
Joining the lady schola is kind of weird feeling for me now, since all the girls at choir is younger than me, while at the same time, they really sing way much better than me. Once a month, lady schola gets a chance to sing with other really experienced choir members at choir loft. In the past, I often try to avoid, because I am pretty sure that without me, they can still do really well and I have to say, I am really really shy when I have to sing in front of many people, though I really really love singing.
Our choir members really insisted that I should go with them and gave me a lot of encourage at the same time…… So, finally I did…..
Standing on the choir loft made me super nervous. Since I just got back to the lady schola for a month, I did not join a lot of rehearsal for some of the pieces, so I basically just need to stand through those pieces. when I was standing there, stories of St. Terese came into my mind. She is a great saint in demonstrating the virtue of being humble. When she was in the convents, she was not the one that really good at making those beautiful linens for the alters. She never gets depressed or even self conscious for those weakness, but really use those things as a way to learn to be humble and serve God.
The reason that I often try to cover my weakness is due to my little proud. I am educated in a way that I need and have always to demonstrate my strength and talent in front of people. Recognizing “weakness” is kind of unacceptable in this society. However, really, it is through understanding my weakness and powerless, I get closer to God.
I really thank God for giving the chance to get closer to music and give me music as one of the best companions for my life. Just like my high school music teacher said that we are all limited, we cannot obtain all the beautiful things in the world. However, it does not mean that you cannot appreciate that and learn it.
Learning music actually is another way to show me the journey towards Heaven. Heaven is far and hard to get, However, it does not mean that we should give up. We have our lord and a lot of saints to learn from. We need to recognize our weakness and limits and humbly follow those examples.
I should also say thanks for our great choir director for his kindness and generosity. His music is wonderful and his education really inspires a lot of people to love God and beautiful musics.
On Saturday, I went to Powell Hall. It was kind of sad to see that only half of the concert hall was filled. The majority of young people there were actually Asians…. It might be surprise to you that in China, the concert halls are all filled with young people. Young people are main audience for classic music in China. I guess, just like Catholic teaching, only when one is deprived those treasure opportunities, one will begin to value them.
(I have to say, some of people just have not realize how lucky they are. )